Sunday, November 13, 2011

Starlight

Patterns I wish to create;
Blackest of black-the velvety background
Tiny dots to be joined.
No light from anywhere
The biting chill on my cheeks
As I huddle into my jacket
Looking up at the wonder
Of the night sky.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Hostel

Laughter and squeals signalling happiness and togetherness. Birthday party celebrations and movies late into the night; pictures of those times; the moments that last forever. Chatting and discussing matters of the heart into the wee hours of the morning, whether it is heartache or the beginning of new possibilities. Tea and instant noodles, the staple food to help supplement the *ahem* mess food! Living together and surviving natural disasters-sleeping through earthquakes-imagination that comes into the fore in order to survive. Buckets to harvest rainwater during a flood; oil on a plate to catch pesky mosquitoes, chilli powder instead of mace. Fights with roommates, which settle, and you wonder what EVER happened. Broken beds, and ragging, I'm sorry, "Interaction", flicking food and hoping noone notices, cooking on the sly, hoping noone mentions the whistle of the pressure cooker... Ah, yes... rules... waste paper baskets and shoes inside the room(!), be back by 6 PM, sign out and in before leaving, lights out at 10 PM(!!!) OHH, and of course, studying.... whether it is teaching various sets of people, or "group study" where studying never happened, studying and surviving because of coolers, or waking up on a fine morning after a blissful sleep when there should have been a flooded field outside and instead was a clear and dry one(!), more laughter and panic as it gets closer to morning, waking up with the firm conviction that one will not pass...
So many more memories that are tied up to the memory of a place not quite home... Never home, yet wondrously close because of the people who have made each moment special. 

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

re-return

You have taken a place
Or did I give it to you?
I don't know how
Or why or what
But it's gone
And I did wonder.

Yet I did it again
Despite me.


Sunday, September 18, 2011

Hope

I dream of perfection-
Does it exist?
What I conjure up
Is it magic?
Reality dampens the thought
Wisps of smoke
I know cannot be true
Yet they float and stay
My imagination wins.

october

I remember the night-
Crackers sounding all over
The dark sky lit up
Blue, red, green, orange;
Celebration all around.
Alone in a cab,
A new city to  negotiate
A fresh start.

Now I wonder
Was it a welcome?
Or a foretelling of years
Full of noise and pain,
With occasional bright spots?

Morning walk

Clear blue sky
Fresh air after morning's rain
The sun warming my skin
Bright green rolling links
With soft wet grass under my feet

Nothing written as yet
Unending possibilities...



Wednesday, June 22, 2011

DiFfeREnCE


"Free your mind, and the rest will follow...."

I recently heard this song on a tv show, and i loved it, It's just so catchy, could not get the words out of my head.found the actual song later, still captivated by it.It's just in your face, "this is who I am, don't take it at face value, I know who i am, accept it!"


I guess the only thing i wanted to say is let's celebrate the differences!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tIYpvlQP_s

Friday, June 3, 2011

...fight the good fight

never give up:
breathe
move
live.

Solitude

Leaves whispering as the wind blows
saying things which are unheard;
They are swaying and dancing
And remind me of the gentle world
Away from noise and talk and fight,
Where there is space for thoughts unsaid.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Double standards

I am working and studying in a national institute. It is where professional services are given to people who are in need of it.In the professional sphere, we are expected to all behave "professionally' and responsibly, and "do no harm" wherein, we all strive to work together in order for the benefit of the patient. Sure, the medical trainee is someone who does have more responsibility, in the sense that is how the law works; they are the  ones who are called upon to actually give evidence in  a court of law.They are the ones who are on call, and are the ones who are called in for any emergency. They are the ultimately responsible, and therefore answerable for the patient's welfare. They are the ones who make decisions about the specific medications that are to be provided to the patient, and the kind of treatment that is most appropriate given the person's history and current complaints. Medical doctors do have a tremendous amount of responsibility on them, and most of them strive to the best of their abilities in order to serve the patient the best way they can. I have the utmost respect for doctors who practice responsibly, and i salute people who have the courage to take up the profession.

However, on the other side of the coin, there are other professions in the world, and i do believe in the dignity of labour. There are other professionals as well who practice, and do their best to make a difference in people's lives. Whether it is a lawyer, or a teacher, everyone makes their efforts in order to earn their living, and at the same time most people attempt to have a meaningful existence. While I can't really comment on their professional lives,i think i can talk a little bit about people who are in the health services, but are not medical doctors. many a times, doctors find that other methods of treatment could augment the medication regime that they prescribe their patients. e.g. psychologists, social workers, physio therapists, occupational therapists, the list could go on. The point is that these people all work as hard to improve the patient's condition, putting in time and effort to better their functioning, investing their own skills in order to help a person who is in need. They may not be able to see as many patients as doctors, considering that the kinds of efforts they need to put in are of a different kind, and may involve working with the patient for a longer duration of time, yet the work that they put in is not negligible.

What is my point with all of this? The thoughts i have put down seem well evident, and do not need reiteration. Yet why am i doing so? The reason being that many a times, the role that these other professionals play seems to become secondary to the medical doctors. Sure, they have given the medication, or provided the medical attention necessary for the person to not have that particular symptom any longer. Yet when that is over, in order for the person to resume their lives again, the patient may need the help of these other professionals, and in fact, they may be the first line of treatment. Well, this might not seem to be a big deal, in the sense that, the person ultimately is helped! that's the primary aim of any professional. However, the reason I am writing this is that once that demarcation becomes institutionalized, then it does call for some concern. That is the stage, when many other forms of discrimination take place. That is when it becomes difficult to isolate the actual issue, and instead it is the profession that the person belongs to which gets attacked. Now ultimately, the idea is that everyone functions as part of a team. When the difference between the various professions keeps getting emphasized in interactions, whether it be at the junior level, or more importantly, at the decision making level, it leads to a bad working environment.I am saying this, because i can see how the emphasis on the difference between medical doctors and others is creating a situation wherein there is mutual dislike between the two groups. The creation of a clear in-group and out-group definitely would lead to conflict, as many of the classic social psychology experiments have shown us.
What is the answer to it then? I really do not now. When a decision has been taken at a policy level, it is very hard for those who are at the receiving end of the policy to feel the same way about the other group, especially when the out group is the majority, and has no difficulties with the policies, simply because it does not affect them. I really do not know the solution to it, because i think in spite of having an awareness of the situation being engendered by the institute, i do not know how that awareness will help me.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

"... do no harm"

Well, it was inevitable. the interest was hardly sustained... ended up losing steam. But anyway, i guess I'm in for the long haul, and a long road. hopefully will be able to overcome some of the bumps along the way... Lemme just say that research is ongoing, and that it hopefully will sustain, Loads more work that needs to be done, and as usual, am procrastinating, but... i guess i'm hoping that it'll work out..

Anyway, was thinking about professionalism and ethics, not sure if i want this to be a philosophical rant or anything, just a few thoughts about something i have been thinking of for a long while, and keep having discussions about with many different people.

The field i am in, the mental health profession, especially, is one in which there can be a lot of controversy. So many issues, that many people with little or no knowledge about the  field like to comment upon. I do agree, that yes, there are violations of professional boundaries that are crossed. But the well meaning mental health professional... attempts to "do no harm". Though many of us do not take the Hippocratic oath, i think this is the premise that we work on, to the best of our abilities, we work to help the person with whatever difficulty they are facing. but what sets us apart from well meaning individuals, you know, friends and so on who also try to help a person? This is, I think a basic concern that many people have with the mental health field, and psychologists in particular... "counselling", "talking to people" and so on. Many people feel like actually talking to someone professionally and actually paying that person is not worth it, when in fact, anyone can do it.

So what is the answer to that? We are professionals, trained in psychotherapy in order to help the person using methods that do have a research base. That is the difference. We have the training, and that is how we are able to help people, and at the same time, therapy is not about making the person do something they don't want to. It is about helping them adapt to their environment and situation better. The aim is not to label, or to categorise people.

I think i can spend more time fleshing out these points, but right now, i just want to state that more than "to do no harm", we should be aiming " to do good".


Thursday, March 24, 2011

the day before...

... nail biting time... Maybe I would be better served if i stopped writing in the blog and actually went and did some useful work! Got a pile of theses in front of me which need to be attacked... the rest of the world is watching the cricket match between India and Australia... I can hear the screams and shouts of the girls in the hostel.... It's almost ten o'clock, it's a hot evening, am sitting with my door open and the fan on full speed right now... Knowing full well that I have miles to go before i sleep...

...the anxiety is building up. I know that the work that has happened so far is not sufficient to carry me through the next grilling session... Will i come out completely roasted and wasted? Or comfortably able to handle all the heat so that I can continue on with the rest of the day?

It's all up in the air, I have about twelve hours to go... Will find out tomorrow about whether i survive or not!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

in the beginning... there was interest...

Well, it's day 2 of the effort, and right now, the interest and the motivation is still high to write... however, the same cannot be said about the interest and motivation about the research... Or at least that's what my guide
says!...

I had a one and a half hour discussion with her today, for which i was not as prepared as i would have liked to be, and was given a lot of... ahem... motivation... :)

I just hope that I am able to sustain the motivation. Will be here for another few years.... (5 as they keep reminding me...) Glad of the support that is available around me, hopefully that remains and sustains!



Tuesday, March 22, 2011

a new beginning?

Yet another beginning. I always start off with something new, I wonder if this will just another false start. People say that one should never delete or erase what one has written... I guess, it is a mark, a concrete statement of where one is at that point of time. I don't really know what form this blog will take, am just hoping it comes as i am going along. Let's hope that the blog grows and develops...

I guess this is another new start in the sense that I am beginning my research in full swing now. At this point of time,  I have to meet my guide in the morning at 9 30. I have less than 12 hours, and am yet to start looking at what i want to discuss with her. I feel like I can hear the clock ticking (even though I don't have a clock...) but am still managing to procrastinate by creating a brand new blog....

Why 'ksiar'? People who know me know that it is a part of my name, i actually like the word. It comes from my second name, which is 'lyngksiar', the name of a sweet smelling orchid found in the Khasi Hills... It also translates into 'gilded'. The word 'ksiar' literally means 'gold', which is, for the khasis, very important. Well, probably not as important as it is for other communities, but the Khasi Hills are probably one of the few places in the world where 24 carat gold is available. The pure gold is soft and malleable, and the colour is also softer than other forms of gold available. Is that why I like 'ksiar'? Well, I think another reason is because it is a Khasi word. I think that is another reason why i like identifying myself as 'Ksiar'. It means that people immediately ask me what it is, and i get to explain. It has become an important part of me, and I enjoy explaining it to people who are not aware of what it means.

Well, I think I have done enough for the first post in terms of procrastination. Will head on towards starting work on the research... So here's to many more posts... Hopefully this blog does not go the way of the others.... :)