Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Listen...

speaking
explaining
shouting
screaming
crying
begging

yet all in vain.

i try and try to no result

i'm forced to realize

and accept that i am an "i" and never an "I"

stark reality

because i am

voiceless


do YOU want to listen...

or do you not even hear me?

Monday, November 10, 2014

Jaiñkyrshah

So, this is the time when I'm supposed to be writing and finishing off work that I have been working on for the past 4.5 years... Instead other thoughts crowd my mind, and as it happens, I start missing home. This feeling may have been triggered by a parcel that reached me from home today, packed by my mom. I also had a conversation with friends about home, and once I started reminiscing about  home, I had to put this down.

When I talk about home to people here, sometimes I wonder if I am overselling the wonders of Shillong. Am I choosing to only talk about the fruits (Soh Phie, Soh Shang, Soh Phlang, Soh Manir...) and how they are easily available, plucking them off the tree in fact... Or am I talking only about the closeness to nature, the fact that I live next, yes, that's right, next to a forest... And my memories of winter holidays spent traipsing through those woods, imagining we were in an Enid Blyton story, climbing trees to get orchids (along with fruits). Or am I choosing to only talk about the 18- hole golf course which is again very close to home where we used to go on morning walks?  Or is my focus on the meats and meals that we have- smoked, salted, boiled, curried... Or the various other local delicacies?

What do I miss? The comforts? The food? The lifestyle?


... thoughts at a window

I am sitting at a cubicle in the library wondering about how I am wasting time, doing what I'm not supposed to, and not doing what I'm supposed to, and wondering how ANYTHING gets done in this world. 

I hear construction work going on through the window, as well as birds cawing... I can hear the movement of some vehicles, as well as conversation in the distance. Here, inside the room, there are at least 20 people working, and all I can hear is the clacking of keys and the occasional turn of a page. A random sigh and dropped pen is also heard. The movement of the fan also counts as a distraction when anything and everything seems more interesting than what I am supposed to be doing. 

Will I ever finish, I wonder, or am I stuck in this "Groundhog Day" like scenario of time looping, and days running into one another... ?